Home
Renee Carignan
I had a crazy day today.

Found out that I don't actually have to fulfill the foreign language requirement at Berkeley to graduate. My IGETC certification replaces the Letters & Science requirements.

What this means is, I don't have to study abroad this summer. I still could, just to experience a new culture, and I think that I will still apply to a program. But I don't have to study any thing in particular. I literally have a world of options in front of me. Or at the very least, this list of summer program locations.

I'm looking at summer internships related to education and publishing, and realizing that soon now, I'll be entering the real world. The one involving resumes and interviews and most importantly, a job. The one where I'll be expected to be self-sufficient.

I know many of you on my LJ are older then me and have realized this, but oh my god

Oh My God

Oh My God

Oh My God

OH MY GOD


I don't want to grow up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck! No!! Not so soon.... I want to stay in college!!!!! NO REAL WORLD NOT JUST YET! I don't graduate til 2011!!

:(

But in any case, aside from this little freak-out.... what should I do? Study abroad? Internship? Possibly research with a professor here? I'm really not sure what would be the best. Help.
 
 
Current Mood: FRIGHTENED by everything
Current Music: Transatlantacism - DCFC
 
 
Renee Carignan
22 November 2009 @ 11:41 pm
Every single UC student needs to see this.

 
 
Current Mood: angry
Current Music: meet me at the equinox - death cab for cutie
 
 
Renee Carignan
16 November 2009 @ 09:28 pm
I've been having really vivid nightmares for the past three nights in a row. All weekend. It's starting to really freak me out. I don't know if I can sleep here to-night.

At first I attributed it to my roommate not being here, me having this big empty room all to myself. But she was here last night when I had the worst one. I don't know what's causing it.

Stress. Sugar before bed. Something.

I feel really weird and upset at the moment, and for no reason. I took off in a hurry this morning because the dream really disturbed me, and I just wanted to get to campus where things felt all brightly lit and social and I could focus on classwork. Now, after a long day of class, WYSE session and an EUA grad application workshop, I'm back home with the reminders of the recent memory.

I have Monica to talk to. And of course anyone else I choose to call or message. But I don't know. It doesn't feel like enough.

I think if I had some good friends in Berkeley who were not in the dorms, I would choose to sleep over at one of their houses this evening. It just feels that way at the moment.

I'm sure I'll be over this in a few days. Just wanted to write something to get it off my chest. Hoping to feel better soon.
 
 
Renee Carignan
10 November 2009 @ 03:15 am
Another late night of writing a paper with Monica. Were studying and talking about everything. Our future careers, our boyfriends, classes we'd like to take, what we wanted to be when we were little, our hopes, our dreams, our fears.

I love my room mate. I don't know if I could ever share a room with anyone else. Were a pretty great match. We sleep during the same times, we enjoy talking to each other. It's an easy going comradery. I can only hope she feels the same way I do about this. That she doesn't secretly hate me for... talking on the phone. Or something.

I'm going to miss Wada when this year is over. Back to living in apartments in the real world. Dorm life is amazing and my suite mates are the best people. I wouldn't have it any other way.

:)
 
 
Current Mood: excellent
Current Music: quietly - guano apes (a good song. I'd suggest checking it out.)
 
 
Renee Carignan
30 October 2009 @ 01:36 am
Hmmmm. I need to decide on a paper topic for my next 45b paper. So far for all of my papers i've had this semester, I've gotten nothing but B's. B's, B+'s here and there - Berkeley doesn't hand out A's easily, even an A- wouldn't be so bad. But I suppose they do this so that you can show progress and therefore be graded higher. Oh well.

I have three papers due in the next two weeks. Two are due November 6th, and one is due November 13th. The 45B is one of the ones due on the 6th. I should have started work on it this evening since I'm going out of town for the weekend. Oh well.

I'm thinking of ditching fall conference. It's a terrible idea but I just have so much homework to do here. I already paid and everything, it would be a waste of money. It's just that my schedule is so racked up.

Blah blah blah, I really am rambling about not much. Berkeley sort of gets me that way. I stress out about a lot of things that don't matter, and never take the time to relax. I never seem to enjoy myself or really 'live' in this place. Visiting San Diego and the valley last weekend reminded me of places where I lived. Where I went out and had a good time every now and then. I haven't done much of that here. I don't even know where I'd start if I wanted to, one night, do something relaxing or go out with friends. Kind of sad.

I enjoy my roommates, though. I was very nervous about the whole room/suite mates thing, made anxious by all the horror stories I'd heard. But actually, my roommate and I (Monica) are kind of best friends. I hope she sees is this way too. We get along very well, and we can talk about anything. I'm really glad that fate (or whatever social engineering that was at hand with roommate matching) put us together. I think were going to be friends for a long time. And the other girls in the place are nice too.

Yesterday was Courtney and I's 5-month mark. Yay. Really though, this is the first really good relationship I've had in a long time. It's just happening naturally, and there's no drama or interest in other people or stress about not 'connecting' or anything like that. It's not playing out like some soap opera where we all know the characters don't really go that well together anyway. And it hasn't felt like something sort of planned, sort of doomed-from-the-start and doubtful in a very long while. Anyways.

This relationship doesn't feel like very much work, like either of us is having to TRY to make it good. It just IS good, and we want to stay together because we are enjoying ourselves together. It's like walking next to somebody where your feet just fall into rhythm, into an easy pace. You just click together. And we click.

I'm thinking about grad schools, thinking a LOT. There are so many options out there, and there's a lot of work to be put into it. If I want to get a Phd in English I have to study Greek and Latin. Oh Lord, I'm not that great at languages. It's also six years. SIX YEARS. When you come out of that, academia had better be your career of choice. It's not a decision you want to end up regretting.

I'm also thinking about getting my masters, but there's tricks to that also. Like how getting a masters can affect your future application for a Phd program. And how to pay for this - because if I take out loans for a masters, then getting financial aid for the Phd would be complicated. It also depends on my career field of choice.

Okay, all of this just tells you how boring I am these days. Because these are the thoughts my mind is preoccupied with. One of my suite mates said I was like a college advisor or a human assist.org, she only needs to ask me her questions. I was complimented by this fact because it is something I am thinking about for a career. College counseling, that is.

My circle of friends is starting to evolve. It's sort of like, all of my friendly acquaintances from San Diego are sort of sifting down into my few, long-term friends from there that I will hold on to for a long time. I really miss people that I haven't gotten to see nearly as often as I wish. Like Deborah. Like Chelsey. And Lenore. And Valentin. And Daniel. And Mak. Lord, I miss Mak. And Travis.

Visiting Brawley was sweet. I saw old friends, went to old places and had good conversations. It was overall just good connecting with the familiar in general. It's revitalizing, it gets me ready to face all the newness up here. And I love seeing the faces of those I feel I can understand so well. And who understand me in return.

Well, I think I'm going to bed. Got a long few days coming up here soon. Escapades.

I hope everyone doing everything is doing very well, and life is good. See you soon.

Renee
 
 
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Gee - SNSD
 
 
Renee Carignan
13 October 2009 @ 11:58 am
Oh my Lord, the class schedule is up and there are so many classes I want to take...

These are just a few...



English 141

Section: 2
Title: Modes of Writing (Exposition, Fiction, Verse, etc.): “’Race,’ [Creative] Writing, and Difference”
Instructor: Giscombe, Cecil
Time: TTh 12:30-2
Location: 110 Wheeler


Book list: See below.

Course Description: This course is an inquiry into the ways that race is constructed in literary texts and a look-by-doing at our own practices as people engaged in creative writing.

The purpose of writing in this course is, broadly stated, to engage public language on one hand and personal (meaning specific) observations and experiences on the other. The purpose of writing is not to come up with answers to the truly vexing problems of racism and economic and political disparity. The purpose here is to pursue consciousness. How one refers to race (one’s own as well as the races of others) is of paramount importance; the fact that there are ways in which American cultural institutions typically quantify and refer to race is of at least equal importance.

The writing vehicle will be, for the greatest part, the personal essay. It’s a peculiar form related to fiction and to autobiography and to poetry. We’ll likely read Michael Ondaatje’s Running in the Family and Audre Lorde’s Zami; we’ll read essays and stories by James Baldwin, Tess Schlesinger, Richard Ford, Jean Toomer. We’ll lean on Philip Lopate’s Art of the Personal Essay.

Writing assignments will broad; that is, they will allow for a variety of responses.

English 165

Section: 2
Title: Special Topics: Narrating Absence: Not-Knowing in Literary Analysis
Instructor: Clowes, Erika
Time: MW 4-5:30
Location: 103 Wheeler


Book list: Eliot, T.S.: The Waste Land; Beckett, S.: Waiting for Godot; Ellison, R.: Invisible Man; Faulkner, W.: Sanctuary; James, H.: The Turn of the Screw; Course Reader, including Freud’s essay on fetishism, excerpts from Muller and Richardson’s The Purloined Poe, Nabokov’s “The Vane Sisters,” & D. F. Wallace’s “A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again.”

Films: Coppola, F.F.: The Conversation (1974); Hitchcock, A.: The Birds (1963)

Course Description: Critical reading usually involves reading “between the lines” of a literary text, picking up on the implications of its manifest content. In this course, however, we will focus on reading what is altogether missing: for example, the lack of a coherent narrator in Eliot’s Waste Land; the act of waiting for someone who never comes in Beckett’s Godot; or the literally unspeakable horror represented by birds in Hitchcock’s The Birds. Though the assigned texts come from several time periods, one of the primary goals of the course will be to understand why the explicit inclusion of ellipses and “unrepresentable” ideas is most characteristic of modernism. Does the nameless or “undomesticated” element serve to subvert the dominant culture, or, conversely, to define it? Do blank spaces unsettle narratives, or provide a harmonious “negative space”? How do they function in concert with other experimental techniques, such as stream-of-consciousness narration and fragmentation, from which seemingly nothing is excluded? Finally, we will consider the relationship of narrative absences to paranoia—both the characters’ and our own—as we attempt to impose meaning upon these non-signifying spaces.

English 166

Section: 4
Title: Special Topics: Literary and Cinematic Cities
Instructor: Edwards, Erin
Time: TTh 2-3:30
Location: 122 Wheeler


Book list: Breton, A.: Nadja; Calvino, I.: Invisible Cities; Ellison, R.: Invisible Man; Joyce, J.: Dubliners; Pynchon, T.: The Crying of Lot 49; Woolf, V.: Mrs. Dalloway

Films: Metropolis (1927); Rear Window (1954); Blade Runner (1982)

Course Description: This course examines representations of the city in twentieth-century literature and film, asking how urban experience shapes modernist and postmodernist aesthetics. The course will examine the material conditions and demands of the city, but it will also consider the city as, in Italo Calvino’s terms, “made of desires and fears,” as complex, unstable sites of community and alienation, novel enticements and novel anxieties. In Invisible Cities, Calvino writes:

With cities it is as with dreams; everything imaginable can be dreamed, but even the most unexpected dream is a rebus that conceals a desire or its reverse, a fear. Cities, like dreams, are made of desires and fears, even if the thread of their discourse is secret, their rules are absurd, their perspectives deceitful, and everything conceals something else.

Calvino suggests that the city, like a text, is a kind of representational riddle that invites interpretation or decoding. We will thus consider the way in which urban experience produces a particular kind of subject who must interpret the city’s palimpsistic layers and create his or her place within its perspectival vicissitudes. Our texts take us into particular cities—Paris, London, Dublin, New York, and San Francisco—but the course is also, more generally, a consideration of the way in which one’s relation to and experience of place shape subjectivity.


English 180H

Section: 1
Title: Short Story
Instructor: Chandra, Vikram
Time: MW 4-5:30
Location: 126 Barrows

Book list: Reader


Course Description:

“The lyf so short, the crafte so longe to lerne…”

-- Chaucer

This course will investigate how authors craft stories, so that both non-writers and writers may gain a new perspective on reading stories. In thinking of short stories as artifacts produced by humans, we will consider – without any assertions of certainty – how those people may have experienced themselves and their world, and how history and culture may have participated in the making of these stories. So, in this course we will explore the making, purposes, and pleasures of the short story form. We will read – widely, actively and carefully – many published stories from various countries in order to begin to understand the conventions of the form, and how this form may function in diverse cultures. Students will write a short story and revise it; engaging with a short story as a writer will aid them in their investigations as readers and critics. Students will also write two analytical papers about stories we read in class. Attendance is mandatory.
English 180Z

Section: 1
Title: Science Fiction: Speculative Fiction and Dystopias
Instructor: Jones, Donna
Time: MWF 11-12
Location: 166 Barrows


Book list: Hoffman, E.T.A: The Sandman; Adam, Villiers de l’Isle: The Future Eve; Wells, H.G.: The Island of Doctor Moreau; Capek, Karel: R.U.R; Ishiguro, Kazuo: Never Let Me Go; James, P.D.: Children of Men; Mielville, China: Perdido Street Station; Dick, Philip K.: Do Androids Dream Electric Sheep; Thacker, Eugene: The Global Genome; Moylan, Tom: Scraps of the Untainted Sky; Jameson, Frederic: Archaeologies of the Future: The Desire Called Utopia and Other Science Fictions; Otis, Lisa: Membranes: Metaphors of Invasion in Nineteenth-Century Literature, Science and Politics

Films: Soylent Green (1973); Bladerunner (1981); Gattaca (1997); Children of Men (2006)

Course Description: This course will examine in depth the history of speculative fiction and its engagement with the thematics and topoi of the new life sciences—representation of cloning, ecological dystopias, hybrid life-forms, genetic engineering dystopias. While science is the thematic point of departure of speculative fiction, the concerns of this course will be the literary. How does literature’s encounter with the projected realities of the new biology revise our conceptions of the subject? Could there be a Leopold Bloom of the genetically engineered, a subject whose interior voice is the free-flowing expression of experience? Behind the endless removes of social, material and technological mediation lie the construction of a flesh and blood body, separated from itself through the workings of consciousness. If indeed the post/modern subject requires a psychic space shaped by the authenticity of ‘being’, a consciousness deeply rooted in the human experience, then how do we represent that being whose point of origin is the artificial, the inauthentic? These are some of the questions to be addressed in this course. You may of course bring others.
 
 
Current Mood: I can't wait!
Current Music: shiny toy guns
 
 
Renee Carignan
11 October 2009 @ 06:25 pm
I had a really quiet weekend indoors, stayed in my pajamas most of the time. Talked on the phone or read. I know I should be out getting to know the Berkeley area and whatnot, but it was relaxing to just stay in. Maybe next weekend i'll go out and have some adventures.

I had breakfast food for lunch at a diner. It was delicious. I can still taste it now. Mmm.

Currently working on a paper about John Milton's poem "Lycidas". I'm over halfway through and still haven't added the intro/conclusion, which means i'm closer to done then it seems. I'll celebrate when it's over.

Weathers getting colder but it's nice. Like living on the east coast, or the mid west, or anywhere else but Southern Cali. I must say I am really enjoying the bay area at the moment for this. It's very cool.

Life is good. I like it here.
 
 
Current Music: does he love you - rilo kiley
 
 
Renee Carignan
Things have just been really crazy. I've been listening to this.

 
 
Renee Carignan
18 July 2009 @ 10:12 pm
I feel like i'm losing all my friends. Their lives are carrying on, they're movin' and shakin' and we have less and less time to talk. And then the calls stop coming alltogether. And then i'm the only one left remembering that they mattered to me. But maybe I didn't matter as much to them. I guess that's just the way life goes. You move on, you don't need people anymore and so you stop responding to them.

I miss home. I miss stability and people who were there for me. Or I thought they were.
 
 
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: wake up - coheed and cambria (acoustic)
 
 
Renee Carignan
15 June 2009 @ 12:25 am
I'm leaving tomorrow to Berkeley. It all doesn't feel real. Like i'm not really doing this. Like tomorrow i'll wake up in Brawley and everything will be the same.

(Well, tomorrow I WILL wake up in Brawley, but that's not the point, is it?)

I'm so scared.

And I know it's not the end of the world. It's just that goodbyes have been hard. They always have been for me.

This is not goodbye, this is, I hope to see you again...

Thank you to those what have always been there for me and supported me.
You mean more to me then you will ever know, and I will always go a million miles out of the way for you when I can. You mean the world to me.

I keep thinking about people... and wanting to see them... it hurts...

Life goes on... take the road less traveled... and it makes all the difference.

Renee
 
 
Renee Carignan
20 January 2009 @ 10:15 pm


When I find myself in times of trouble,
Mother RORSCHACH comes to me,
Speaking words of wisdom:
RRAAAARRL RRAAAARRL RRAAAARRL!

And in my hour of darkness
He is standing right in front of me,
Speaking words of wisdom:
RRAAAARRL RRAAAARRL RRAAAARRL!

RRAAAARRL RRAAAARRL RRAAAARRL!
RRAAAARRL RRAAAARRL RRAAAARRL!
RRAAAARRL RRAAAARRL RRAAAARRL!
RRAAAARRL RRAAAARRL RRAAAARRL!
Whisper words of wisdom:
RRAAAARRL RRAAAARRL RRAAAARRL!
 
 
Current Mood: laughing so hard
 
 
Renee Carignan
03 January 2009 @ 06:42 pm
So I am rearranging my schedule for my last semester at Mesa, this spring 2008. Currently I am registered to take

French 102 TTh 7:05 - 9:30 PM with Deleon, and
English 101 M 6:30-9:30 PM with somebody.

The last class I need is a humanities class, and I am currently trying to decide which one to take. I could use your help with the decision-making, friends of mine. If you know anything about these teachers or classes feel free to add your input.

I can take either Humanities 101, 103 or 201 to fufill the literature in translation req for UCLA. Here's the sections that fit into my schedule.

Humanities 101 (Honors) - Intro to Humanities I
TTh 2:20 - 3:45 PM
Johnson, G

This is an honors section, which is good for me because I don't have to go through the rigamarole of registering one of my classes as honors this semester - and I have enjoyed every honors class taken thus far. However, this teacher has no ratings on rate my professor so it's a shot in the dark to take him/her. This is one of my top two for taking, I may crash both sections to see the teachers in action before deciding.

Humanities 101 - Intro to Humanities I
MW 3:55 - 5:20 PM
Bradford, K

She has the best rating on rate my professor of all these teachers - said she's enjoyable, fun, passionate about the material and that it's not very difficult to ace this class. Sounds like a good class, though I am intrigued to maybe take mythology or something other then an intro. Also, this class is pretty full (unlike the others) so there's no risk in the section being dropped due to lack of enrollment. I think I might sign up for this section, but crash another at the same time before deciding.

Humanities 103 - Intro to the New Testament
M 2:20 - 5:20 PM
Naschak, B

Rate my professor was conflicted for this one - half of the students said he is monotone, difficult and not very kind to his students, while the other half said he is a great intelligent man, with a challenging class which makes you learn. So i'm really not sure. Learning about the Great Book sounds interesting. If anyone has an opinion about this professor i'd like to hear.

Humanities 201 - Mythology
MW 2:20 - 3:45 PM
Masten, L

I would love to take a mythology section - it was one of my favorite subjects growing up, and by far the most attractive humanities course :D However, rate my professor (and yeah, I go off of what they say a lot) is torn as well. Some say she's very passionate about her subject, intelligent with stimulating coursework, while others say she's a nightmare. Though I would love love love to take mythology, i've gone against RMP before and regretted it. So this makes me uneasy.

So... what do you think?
 
 
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: apple bottom jeans and the boots with the furr (with the furrrrrr!) :P
 
 
Renee Carignan
I am done with statistics and math for the rest of my life!!!!!! Yyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

*the dancing commences*
 
 
Current Location: ASG office
Current Mood: SO FRIGGIN' HAPPY
Current Music: CEEEEEELEBRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON!!!!!!!!!
 
 
Renee Carignan
16 December 2008 @ 10:30 am
Two finals down, two to go!! Yes!!!
 
 
Current Location: stats class
Current Mood: PUMPED
Current Music: the final countdown - europe
 
 
Renee Carignan
15 December 2008 @ 09:10 pm
Two years ago today I wrecked my car on the 8-W/805-N onramp. Happy anniversary of car accident! Whoohoo :P

In all seriousness though, 'tis an event I have learned from.

One final down, three to go!
Go go go finals challenge WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
 
 
Current Music: are we human - the killers
 
 
Renee Carignan
12 December 2008 @ 09:09 pm
I sold my old laptop. And got a new one. I'm updating livejournal from my new Apple 13.3 inch white Macbook.

Yes, i've gone apple. And i'm happy for it.
 
 
Renee Carignan
After weeks of stressing, wondering, writing, revising, writing again, revising again, trashing, editing, rewriting, and finally, completing my UC applications...

On November 30th, 2008 at 10:30 pm my application for Fall 2009 for the schools of UC Los Angeles, UC Berkeley, and UC Davis has now been submitted to those schools.

I find out in April 2009 if I got in.

*crosses fingers*
 
 
Current Mood: relieved
 
 
Renee Carignan
I am selling my old laptop for $400. It works fine, it's just rather large and old and I want a new one to take notes during class with.

Specs are as follows:

model: HP DV8000
processor: Intel(R) CPU T2600 @ 2.16 GHz, 1.00 GB of RAM
512 MGB RAM (can be expanded up to 2 GB)
HARD DRIVE: 80 GB
widescreen laptop
graphics card: NVidia Geforce'60 7600

also includes:
S video port
expansion ports

If ya'll know anyone who are interested in buying it or are interested yourself, feel free to reply and i'll get you my contact info. I'm looking for it to be a friend or a friend of a friend. Craigslist has been giving me sketchy people who want me to ship it overseas. I'm not havin' it.

But yeah, looking to sell ASAP so I can get me my new one.
 
 
Current Music: Rob Zombie - Living Dead Girl
 
 
Renee Carignan
20 November 2008 @ 12:17 pm
Something weird is going on with one of my legs. It had been hurting the past week or so for no real reason, just a twinge of pain when I walk. I didn't think much of it figuring it would wear off. Today though, it's more definite and it's making me a gimp. I feel like I should sport a cane and start calling myself Dr. House. I don't know what it could be, I haven't been doing much lately.

Huh. Just thought i'd babble about it on LJ. Hope you all are handling your studies/work/life well. Thanksgiving break!!!

-Renee
 
 
Renee Carignan
18 November 2008 @ 06:48 pm
I will never go back to believing the world is meaningless. There is meaning in everything. Dr. Manhattan said it best.